Friday, June 26, 2009

Sophie turns 4 and a half.

We had a birthday party for Sophie. We decided on an evening barbecue on a day when the temperatures reached the love one thousands. with a chance of torrential downpours with a side order of locust. It was actually a lot of fun and I feel very grown up for hosting a party. We did almost poison the guests, Bob's doing, lost his mother, my doing and forgot to give Sophie any dinner. So much for grownups. Happy birthday Baby Girl. Sorry about the sideways pictures, courtesy of Ansel Newman. Just turn the computer sideways. Valerie

Sunday, June 14, 2009

prostitute Bob

I saw the scariest thing today, a family on the side of the road offering to wash cars for money. Not the glee club, or the rowing team but a family obviously down on their luck. I did not stop because i had no money and have lost my bank card which even if it has fallen into the hands of a master criminal is saving me money. I thought it would be rude to offer 3 cans of vienna sausages and 6 obsolete furbees, which was all we had in the car. I worry that this could happen to us and we would have to live with my mother in law, Before I let that happen I will make the sausages last 3 months and have a big furbee sale. Also I would try to sell Bob into prostitution, he has really nice legs and with the right hotpants and the right streetcorner, who knows. Valerie

Friday, June 5, 2009

potato foot is her indian name

Today someone called me "young lady" In that hilarious jocular tone that young annoying bagboys save for the elderly. I did not cave in his forhead with my elderly fist because my four year old had already stepped on the costco cheesecake and I was at that very moment trying to hide it there at the checkout. She shamed me into buying it by announcing what are you doing with that cheesecake mama like she had a built in magaphone in that dainty throat. In fairness it was a costco Key lime cheesecake and they are so good I would cheerfully scrape it off her potato shaped foot and serve it up. Don't come to dinner at my house anytime soon. Love Valerie

Tuesday, June 2, 2009


Happy Tuesday to me! I took Sophie to the pool tonight, frolicking about in the shallow end playing "alligator gone bad". Noticed some other parents watching me. Assumed that they were admiring my parenting skills not my right breast bobbing merrily along on the top of the water. They may not have recognized it as a breast since it is so sunburned that ir resembles bacon rather than skin. Then I went home to make spaghetti keeping up the mother of the year status and caught the stove on fire the whole stove. Luckily right now is the Law and Order SVU finale so I have reason to go on. Love Valerie