Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Angelina Hallowina

Halloween has come and gone. It was a great time this year. I love Halloween and the tiny terrorist is following in my footsteps. Candy and Spooky stuff. Hoo Boy! The evening was marred slightly by an industrial accident. Just before time to go to the fabulous neighbors, they really are fabulous, both lawyers, both cute as buttons and both appear to be about 17,with two cute well behaved tow headed children. anyway they were having a little get together so while rushing to get Sophie ready, decorating the yard with a full size coffin and screaming at Sophie that "Aquarium water is not for drinking by humans" she said mommy "why is there hair stuck on your lip. Snotty kid. So I chose this moment to wax my lip. Not really wax so much as pulling all the skin off one side of my upper lip. The left side of my lip curled up like a slug when you put salt on it. It actually blocked my breathing for a while. It's alright though I got plenty of air rolling around the bathroom floor screaming and flopping about like a hooked trout. Later in the evening I had a bite of hot pizza they tell me I flat lined for 3 minutes. I think I played it off alright. Most people just assumed i was dressed as a sneering Elvis or an over the hill angelina/cathy bates look alike. Anyway the glamour keeps on coming. Happy Halloween. Valerie

Friday, November 7, 2008

Amityville Mouse house

Since I have been staying up at mom's, Bob has been allowing a few guests to stay in our house, as he works two jobs and rarely uses it. I know when I write that, Bob will worry that we will now be robbed. I am skeptical that any self respecting burglar will travel cross country to steal either our t.v. with the rabbit ears or our casio stereo. At one time we had a real stereo until the tiny terrorist used the c.d. slots for bric a brac holders.
Maybe they would like some of our cat clawed furniture?
I think we are safe since robbers rarely read mommy blogs.

Anyway, there are hobo's in the living room, freshly mauled possums in the yard, a chupacabra in our bedroom, when not busy mauling possums, and now mice under the sink.
I suspect they don't always stay under the sink.

I discovered the mice when one ran across my bare foot upstairs. I responded the same way I would of to meeting Freddy Kruger in the shower, and I am not even afraid of mice.
I see evidence of mice under the kitchen sink it looks like a mouse gas station bathroom. We put down humane traps which we hear them laughing at in the night. In the morning we find tiny little party hats and beer bottles.

Last week i found one floating in the dog's water bowl. I suspect irresponsible binge drinking.
So if anyone has a little mouse guillotine or electric chair that we could use we would be grateful. I will have to do it. Bob has never recovered from the scene in the ten commandments where the horses drowned.

Valerie, the future mouse slayer.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


I left something out of my favorite things, possibly because Sophie and I are playing Hostage-tea-party while I am trying to write. This is a game she made up. Picture you are taken hostage in Iran and are forced for hours to drink tiny, tepid cups of tap water against your will while you make small talk about your doll children and Curious George.
If you will scroll backwards to the "Hippest Mom" post, you will see a comment, or shall I say, rant by my friend, we will call her Bad, Bad Victoria Brown for the sake of anonymity. Anyway I have been trying to get her to write a blog for ever because she is so funny. She chooses not to because she is also selfish and bad.
Victoria is one of those annomoolies, a woman who is beautiful and funny. The funniness makes the beauty bearable and the fact that she doesn't appreciate that about herself. She looks and she hates this very much like Karen Walker on WIll and Grace, and even sounds like her. Look for her upcoming book, "English Beauty Queens I Have Known", and the sequel "Help, My Phone Is Bleeding". She lives in Virginia Beach and is currently raising a tiny Diva and a circus boy.
Picture actually has nothing to do with Bad, Bad Victoria, it's just one I like.

favorite things

My friend Kat recently listed some of her favorite things so of course I had to copy her. I started thinking about what my favorite things are. So here they are.

Of course family and friends, that goes without saying but for just things.

This room, our living room, makes me very happy especially when we have a fire and really good coffee.

The smell that touching tomato plants leaves on your hands. Gardening, The tomato plant is a picture of my garden at my mom's house this summer.

Sophie having friends in our neighborhood.

The beginning of a book by a favorite author.

Finding an episode of Law & Order with Lenny Briscow that I haven't seen.

Anything spooky or unexplained.

The fact that someone from Estonia looked at my blog.


Blog comments.

smothers brothers

People who are passionate about something.

Listening to David Sedaris on a book on C.D. on the long drive to and from my Mom's.

The beach in the fall

An interaction with a stranger that feels life changing, No smut please, I mean those moments you share with a stranger that feels very important. After my mother was diagnosed with cancer I was falling apart in the elevator at Walter Ried and a complete stranger wrapped her arms around me and told me it would be Ok. That seemed very brave and very kind to me.

The fact that chemotherapy exists.

Our old dog Lucy and our Chupacabra and possum mauler Lola.


Sunday, November 2, 2008

hippest mom ever

I took Sophie to the playground the other day. It was apparently cool young hip moms who know each other day. No one told me. To ease the agony of standing around making small talk with the jog bra set i ran around with Sophie, (see still young at heart) While trying to take a short cut i slammed my forehead smack into the blue rail booby trap used to hold up the giant slide. I hit it so hard it knocked me off my feet and flat on my back. I couldn't even move i was just lying there seeing stars. I could hear the other mothers forming a committee to pick me up and take me to the E.r I could hear Sophie yelling Mommy what are you doing. I tried to say just taking a little break. I had to limp out of the Park while the twenty somethings supported the elderly. I still have a big red stripe on my forehead. Not so hip. Valerie