I took Sophie to the playground the other day. It was apparently cool young hip moms who know each other day. No one told me. To ease the agony of standing around making small talk with the jog bra set i ran around with Sophie, (see still young at heart) While trying to take a short cut i slammed my forehead smack into the blue rail booby trap used to hold up the giant slide. I hit it so hard it knocked me off my feet and flat on my back. I couldn't even move i was just lying there seeing stars. I could hear the other mothers forming a committee to pick me up and take me to the E.r I could hear Sophie yelling Mommy what are you doing. I tried to say just taking a little break. I had to limp out of the Park while the twenty somethings supported the elderly. I still have a big red stripe on my forehead. Not so hip. Valerie
man, valerie are you okay?!?! really i don't want to laugh at your expense, but even you writing about that is funny.
ReplyDeletekat is right: I can't stop laughing. Sorry to hear you hurt yourself, but you telling it, is freaking hilarious!!!
ReplyDeleteForget about your closed head trauma, lets focus on my issue that you think I don't read your blog! I checked many times to see Sophie's costume for Halloween to no avail. You wrote this last one on 11/2 and are already fussing at me 11/3. You've forgotten to breath for THAT amount of time. Of course I IMMEDIATELY went to the blog to see what I have missed. That injury sounds pretty horrible, although I'm sure you folded just like a gazelle when it occurred. It reminds me of falling while pregnant in an Outback parking lot. Apparently being pregnant, rather than just hugely fat, causes people to run over in assistance rather than just pointing and laughing (which is what I've experienced in all the time other than my two 10-month periods of glowing motherhood). Anyway, I got the same attention, when all you want is for no one to notice. In my case I was just waiting for someone to call for a crane or other heavy machinery to assist. OK, here's a better example, I fell off my step while doing step aerobics in a class WITH the beautiful people. The best part is that I fell all the way down, started crying, and was followed while head bent and humiliated trying to escape to my car, by the genetically perfect human specimen who was the aerobics teacher. I think I was so humiliated I went straight for french fries at a drive through for comfort and sustenance. I really can't remember, but this action seems the only appropriate thing under the circumstances. She felt really bad too, she said, but I don't really know why. She probably returned to class and downed half a grape to soothe herself. My only advice regarding the beautiful people is to practice looking pitying toward them and act as if you have all this wisdom, including the meaning of life, that they are just too superficial to understand. This particular strategy, as well as trying to trip them on occasion, has been the only things I have found the slightest bit helpful when forced to stand in close proximity. I miss you, but am thankful for this on-line means of trading insults. Smooches, yourBFF
ReplyDeleteI am dying as I read this for the second time- I'm sure you are hipper than you think but man that is funny.
ReplyDeleteWhen can we get together?
Hey Jen, love to get together. I am headed home today to my moms after I take bob's mom to the dr's. For a picture of her brain. I could save them some time on that one. Just one big glamour whirl here. Valerie
ReplyDeleteHey Jen, love to get together. I am headed home today to my moms after I take bob's mom to the dr's. For a picture of her brain. I could save them some time on that one. Just one big glamour whirl here. Valerie
ReplyDeleteMaybe while I am at the dr.'s they could take a picture of my brain too. wHAT A DORK I AM. VALERIE
ReplyDelete