prostitute Bob

I saw the scariest thing today, a family on the side of the road offering to wash cars for money. Not the glee club, or the rowing team but a family obviously down on their luck. I did not stop because i had no money and have lost my bank card which even if it has fallen into the hands of a master criminal is saving me money. I thought it would be rude to offer 3 cans of vienna sausages and 6 obsolete furbees, which was all we had in the car. I worry that this could happen to us and we would have to live with my mother in law, Before I let that happen I will make the sausages last 3 months and have a big furbee sale. Also I would try to sell Bob into prostitution, he has really nice legs and with the right hotpants and the right streetcorner, who knows. Valerie

potato foot is her indian name

Today someone called me "young lady" In that hilarious jocular tone that young annoying bagboys save for the elderly. I did not cave in his forhead with my elderly fist because my four year old had already stepped on the costco cheesecake and I was at that very moment trying to hide it there at the checkout. She shamed me into buying it by announcing what are you doing with that cheesecake mama like she had a built in magaphone in that dainty throat. In fairness it was a costco Key lime cheesecake and they are so good I would cheerfully scrape it off her potato shaped foot and serve it up. Don't come to dinner at my house anytime soon. Love Valerie

Bacon

Happy Tuesday to me! I took Sophie to the pool tonight, frolicking about in the shallow end playing "alligator gone bad". Noticed some other parents watching me. Assumed that they were admiring my parenting skills not my right breast bobbing merrily along on the top of the water. They may not have recognized it as a breast since it is so sunburned that ir resembles bacon rather than skin. Then I went home to make spaghetti keeping up the mother of the year status and caught the stove on fire the whole stove. Luckily right now is the Law and Order SVU finale so I have reason to go on. Love Valerie

swimming to Savannah

This is Sophie and her swim teacher, Teacher Dave. Sophie trusts teacher Dave, a complete stranger, large and hairy and clad only in little swim trunks, entirely, he tells her to cliff dive to the bottom of the pool, wrestle an octopus and return to the side and she does. He tells her to lay back and she will float and she believes him. I told her to lay back and relax and she acts like the four years on the planet and the nine months of womb rental were merely a prelude to this moment where I was waiting to plunge her to the depths of the YMCA pool. Not very flattering. She sees me as something like Jeffrey Daumer, home for a weekend pass. But she is doing very well swimming despite the fact that she swims upright. Her entire little bikini clad body is completely vertical while she bobs along. But she is not scared.

Ruined lives, innocent bystanders

I haven't been doing much blogging lately since I made the decision to ruin all our lives, also known as the new puppy, Matilda. Yesterday I untangled her from the three balls of yarn she had tied herself up in, cleaned up all the colorful poop in the yard, now I know where Sophie's crayons are and attempted to restuff Sophie's favorite hedgehog. She is really great and the chupacabra known as Lola really loves her despite her hanging off her jowls occasionally. I would enclose her photo but I either lost or had stolen our camera with all our pictures on it. Valerie

Matilda Jane Newman

Welcome new baby dog, Matilda to the Newman household. We got her from Recycled Paws in Lexington North Carolina. 10 hours of Sophie in the car saying "are we there yet?", which started 7 minutes into the trip, one ticket and one episode of puppy dog car "sickness" later and we are home. She is a great little dog. Anyone looking for a dog, check out Recycled Paws. There is a really nice girl runnig the place, she has been rescuing pets since she was 12. They still have Matilda's cute little brother there. Marina took the pictures at the thrift store for me. Valerie





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Petfinder.com, the temporary home of 273,898 adoptable pets from 12,536 adoption groups

triple x

I was so impressed with how many people looked at my blog, utnil I discovered that when people come looking for the movie "little Nadia" with the triple x rating they get my blog. imagine their surprise. Valerie