Bacon

Happy Tuesday to me! I took Sophie to the pool tonight, frolicking about in the shallow end playing "alligator gone bad". Noticed some other parents watching me. Assumed that they were admiring my parenting skills not my right breast bobbing merrily along on the top of the water. They may not have recognized it as a breast since it is so sunburned that ir resembles bacon rather than skin. Then I went home to make spaghetti keeping up the mother of the year status and caught the stove on fire the whole stove. Luckily right now is the Law and Order SVU finale so I have reason to go on. Love Valerie

swimming to Savannah

This is Sophie and her swim teacher, Teacher Dave. Sophie trusts teacher Dave, a complete stranger, large and hairy and clad only in little swim trunks, entirely, he tells her to cliff dive to the bottom of the pool, wrestle an octopus and return to the side and she does. He tells her to lay back and she will float and she believes him. I told her to lay back and relax and she acts like the four years on the planet and the nine months of womb rental were merely a prelude to this moment where I was waiting to plunge her to the depths of the YMCA pool. Not very flattering. She sees me as something like Jeffrey Daumer, home for a weekend pass. But she is doing very well swimming despite the fact that she swims upright. Her entire little bikini clad body is completely vertical while she bobs along. But she is not scared.

Ruined lives, innocent bystanders

I haven't been doing much blogging lately since I made the decision to ruin all our lives, also known as the new puppy, Matilda. Yesterday I untangled her from the three balls of yarn she had tied herself up in, cleaned up all the colorful poop in the yard, now I know where Sophie's crayons are and attempted to restuff Sophie's favorite hedgehog. She is really great and the chupacabra known as Lola really loves her despite her hanging off her jowls occasionally. I would enclose her photo but I either lost or had stolen our camera with all our pictures on it. Valerie

Matilda Jane Newman

Welcome new baby dog, Matilda to the Newman household. We got her from Recycled Paws in Lexington North Carolina. 10 hours of Sophie in the car saying "are we there yet?", which started 7 minutes into the trip, one ticket and one episode of puppy dog car "sickness" later and we are home. She is a great little dog. Anyone looking for a dog, check out Recycled Paws. There is a really nice girl runnig the place, she has been rescuing pets since she was 12. They still have Matilda's cute little brother there. Marina took the pictures at the thrift store for me. Valerie





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triple x

I was so impressed with how many people looked at my blog, utnil I discovered that when people come looking for the movie "little Nadia" with the triple x rating they get my blog. imagine their surprise. Valerie

queen of the bland

I spent 5 hours with my mother in law today, Bob's fault. He is punisheing me for the past year's absence. Anway we usually go to McDonald's her favorite she gets the absolute same thing every time but this time she strayed off the reservation getting a sundae, I am her interpreter so I asked what kind of Sundae she wanted. PLAIN! Who on earth gets plain? If you have ever wondered if perhaps you are boring the test is- given any toping on a sudae would you pick Plain, if the answer is yes, then yes you are indeed boring. And your Queen is currently residing in Hampton Va, More spiteful comments from the life of Valerie.

singing sophie

Sophie was singing the Pocahontas song, one line apparently goes "You think I'm an ignorant sandwich" sometimes she is an ignorant sandwich but aren't we all, sometimes. Actual line of song goes "you think I'm an ignorant savage" I apologize to you, who have that song stuck in your heads now for the next three days.