the brown pants

I went shopping for more grown up clothes the other day. I found the most perfect brown trousers. I was sort of pleased with them, sort of strutting around the dressing room, when I made a fatal error in judgement. I viewed the rear end. Instead of viewing my rear end I was looking at sponge Bob squarepant's rear end. Really, slap a pair of tube socks on me and I could be his stunt double. Too upset to go on. Home again in Norfolk, I have to take my mother in law for a scan of her brain. It will look something like a beach ball with a b.b. rolling around in it. take that karma. Valerie

The certain shunning of Sophie Jane Newman

I took Sophie to the upscale park, here in Woodbridge Va, the other day. She was the only child not dressed in Laura Ashley from head to toe. Another mother with a tiny fairy confection of a daughter approached her and asked her to play ball with her daughter. She told Soph to throw the ball to her little girl which Sophie did, executing a perfect spiral and landing it squarely in fairy girl's nose. The ensueing screaming was more in line with being clubbed with a broken beer bottle not a nerf football. I have always suspected Sophie was more the Tanya Harding not Nancy Kerrigan type. She loves high heels, lipstick a feather boa and absolutely nothing else, but she is a something of a ruffian. I am so proud of her. Valerie

Happy Birthday to me!

For my birthday I got the news that I do not have ovarian cancer!I have worried about this for the last year, being around the cancer ward does that to you and the fact that I schedule pap smears roughly every 20 years. I had convinced myself that I had it, I had the symptoms, I know that because my evil friend Marina sent them to me and when I went to the dr for the test she said "Oh I think I would like you to have another test" translation into valerie speak you have roughly 4 and a half hours to live. They scheduled the test for two days later, and it turned out just to be fibroid tumors HOORAY!! In my head I have been composing goodbye letters that rivaled Love story and Brian's song. Explaining to Bob and Sophie why I was not tested, I also promised God and Karma, I like to hedge my bets, that I would be nicer to Eileen, not nice but nicer If i said nice I might as well stick my tongue in a light socket and get it over with faster. Anyway huge sigh of relief and back to life. Valerie

A long cold drink of water.

I saw the freemarket for the first time today, I read about it but have never gone. It was amazing. I thought that I would be going to a run down church full of very, very poor people sorting thtrough the cast offs of more fortunate society. It was very different. Sophie and I arrived by bursting into a meeting of what looked like the well healed Jr. League. Sophie and I looked like Kosovo refugees, no offense meant to any Kosovos, We lost our only comb a few days ago and tried to make do with a 3 centimeter bratz doll comb. It worked sort of ok on my fine hair but Sophie's curly hair ended up looking like Don King on a motorcycle. I didn't bring Sophie a coat because it was warm, and I am a bad mother, but then it snowed last night so I had to make do with three sweaters limiting her range of motion. Before us were a squadron of well dressed women all working their hearts out. My friend, Cassie Matthew, runs this and was organizing things effortlessly. She was saying sheets there, clothes over there cook wear there. Everyone was working like a well oiled machine, putting food in bags organizing pastries and coffee and putting up signs. If Cassie had said ok now do it hopping on one leg we all would of, she leads by sheer force of personality and charisma. I was amazed at the really nice things people donated, one hotel had given sheets towels and really nice bathrobes. (this was set up day, saturday is the day of the market) At the end of setting up Cassie was talking to some of the jr. league set and the most intimidating of the bunch, thin well dressed sort of aloof started regailing Cassie with stories of an upcoming court date. What's this? A criminal element in the jr. league. The criminal element is my favorite element, next to the honda element of course. Turns out that this pretend jr. leaguer was a recipient and a volunteer who had seen her share of trouble and still had such a great spirit and was so generous with her time. There was something so wonderful about doing this kind of work with these wonderful women, everyone hugs you. Cassie's wonderful friend Terrie Smith was at the forfront of this and while barely knowing me give s these wonderful warm hugs making me feel so welcome and cared for. After the worst year of my life there was something so comforting about the acceptance of this group of women. While I am not terribly religious or religious at all actually, I am really impressed and a little jelous of this group of women of their faith and sense of belonging in the world. It felt like a long cold drink of water on a really hot day. I am very grateful for this experience and am so impressed with all that Cassie has accomplished, she was my college roomate and while not as bad as me she was pretty close. I asked if she was tired and she said a little, turns out she works at night and looks after three boys and manages to work the freemarket. If Sophie strays from the house speciality of bread and butter I feel overwhelmed, and have lay down with a cold cloth on my head. The only sour note of this day was one of the Jr. Leaguers spottless perfect children taught Sophie "talk to the Hand" Sophie of course had to ride home strapped to the hood of the car. Don't tell social services. Valerie

Am I blue, or purple.

I heard my little girl at the park today telling another little girl that that was her mother over there, the one that looks just like a bratz doll, (cause we both have long hair) I actually look nothing like a bratz doll more like kathy bates in birkenstocks but it was a sweet moment. My little girl thinks I am good enough to be a bratz doll. She is three and a half. It will change. Kind of a bittersweet moment. This spot is supposed to have a purple picture to be in the round robin. This picture is the only one I could find with any purple in it. Sorry Zia mARINA. vALERIE